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Wednesday, January 1st, 2003
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3:39 pm
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I am not going to delete this journal again. I may even write in it on occaison, but if you haven't already please add wuther to your friend lists.
Love always,
Mindy Lee
current music: Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, December 27th, 2002
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12:19 am
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| Friday, December 6th, 2002
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10:38 pm
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I'm not happy.
I'm not sad.
Is this a normal feeling?
I haven't felt this way in years.
Perhaps ever.
I don't remember.
I don't know.
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(comment on this)
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10:30 pm
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3:08 pm
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I wrote a long journal entry, but I read over it and realized it was crap. Total crap.
I lie to myself so much that I'm not sure what is the truth. Yes, David seems like an interesting person, but I don't know hardly anything about him, how the hell can I like him?
I've been doing it for years, though. Lying to myself to try to make things okay. And it does make them okay for a while, but eventually that lie wears off and things are NOT okay.
Like with Sean. I told myself, 'He's not so bad! It's a guy! He's interested in you! What can go wrong?' I should have listened to my he's an f-ing creep detector when I first met him... Lying to myself made it okay for about... 2 months, but then the lie disintegrated and I couldn't avoid it any longer. I was in a 'relationship' with an immature, whiny, creepy person.
*sigh*
yeah.
current mood:  restless
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 5th, 2002
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6:13 pm
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| Saturday, November 23rd, 2002
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4:11 pm
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hahahaha.
i went to fye to do my paperwork.
and guess who was in there while i was waiting for mike to get the results of my exam.
....
fuzzy!
....
hahahahaha.
so i said hey to him. and hes like hey. and he asked what i was doing there. and i told him i was applying for a job. and he's like 'thats cool'. and i told him i quit school. and he said he did too.
i think im in looooooooooove.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, November 22nd, 2002
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4:03 pm
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i was laying in bed last night
trying to go to sleep
and i saw
a small flash of green sparkly light
and i rolled over
smiled to myself
and went to sleep
i'm waiting :)
current music: Hooverphonic - 2 Wicky
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, November 18th, 2002
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5:18 pm
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i had a dream...
and previously i had dreamed that my mom and i were trying to go somewhere...
but we couldn't find it...
well, last night we found it...
and so...
then i was somewhere...
in a field...
and this bright mr. yuck green stream of light with sparking stars and glitter came out of the clouds...
and swirled all around me...
and i layed down on a field and it was still swirling around me...
and telepathically i knew it was my future boyfriend...
i think it said that said that he? it? was married... and it was just weird...
but i felt so safe and loved and just wonderful...
it was so wierd.
current mood:  curious
current music: Badly Drawn Boy - What Is It Now?
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(comment on this)
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2:37 pm
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gtl;gk;lkdf;lkhg;lhkkbmgf,mbh,d.vDFIGotp8y96gfo'dfmbrlk;iy
[rglc tkh;lfk,/cv,mb.cvm /x,/vle5ot0-9y08ih9phghbkd;,gbto50=96y7867098058666
*&&flkjglkfjvnjlkgjitoksd;lkf;ljkrjgtpfjs;fmsd;lck
[dporpeiut90r58uy906uy75098gj6467kn8h9jknb,mbhklfjglfkjldkj
gdi got a job
flkjgrklgjlrtkjkljhlktrjhlkru34908655y3r8fh4h5uy98n54c9843h
54jhbgdsfgi458t943pisdj;salk;slfi40938tuoreijflkdjfio43ur0t
9438509826jlk65lkj65j6jlk65jfdnmrfnmdc
em,nt34qlqfowquiou9zzzzzzzziouerjtlkgtjklrtiyytryjat
dmkfhkjgrpoqpitpouiyrpouiptoyuitypouihklgmfhlk65jykltjytmnl
k54jlkj6l4kjynmn64kjn53j4k5b4hjv3j4h6vk5467k6h76l8h8678kjhk
j43hkjh7kj4hkj45thkj35ntl43,5l43j5;43j543j5lkj6lk45h3jhkj34
b5k6g7k37hj6kjh34kj2hkjbgfjgfye
jlkfkljfldkjrlk34j5lkjlk567j7kjlhkjcxhfkdjhdkjghdfkjhfdskjh
fjkdhgkjdhgkjdfhgkdjfhtkjh54klth5io4u6o56p45i6po4i56p4o5i6p
o45mbv54p6oi546po4nc p54oi6 pc54oi6po24i4p5!~
:):):):)
job!
neat people!
music!
*floats*!
current mood: yay!
current music: Elton John - Nikita
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| Sunday, November 17th, 2002
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11:39 pm
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| Friday, November 15th, 2002
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11:29 pm
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Big Boy
By David Sedaris
November 1999, Volume 132, No. 5
It was Easter Sunday in Chicago, and my sister Amy and I were attending an afternoon dinner at the home of our friend John. The weather was nice, and he'd set up a table in the backyard so that we might sit out in the sun. Everyone had taken their places when I excused myself to visit the bathroom, and there, in the toilet, was the absolute biggest piece of work I have ever seen in my life-no toilet paper or anything, just this long and coiled specimen, as thick as a burrito.
I flushed the toilet, and the big boy roused around. It shifted position, but that was it. This thing wasn't going anywhere. I thought briefly of leaving it behind for someone else to take care of, but it was too late for that-before leaving the table, I'd stupidly told everyone where I was going. "I'll be back in a minute," I'd said. "I'm just going to run to the bathroom." My whereabouts were public knowledge. I should have said I was going to make a phone call. I'd planned to pee and maybe run a little water over my face, but now I had this to deal with.
The tank refilled, and I made a silent promise. The deal was that if this thing would go away, I'd repay the world by performing some unexpected act of kindness. I flushed the toilet, and the beast spun a lazy circle. "Go on," I whispered. "Scoot! Shoo!" I claimed a giddy victory, but when I looked back down, there it was, bobbing to the surface in a fresh pool of water. Just then, someone knocked on the door, and I started to panic.
"Just a minute."
At an early age, my mother had sat me down and explained that everyone has bowel movements. "Everyone," she'd said. "Even the president and his wife." She'd mentioned our neighbors, the priest, and several of the actors we saw each week on television. I'd gotten the overall picture, but, natural or not, there was no way I was going to take the rap for this one.
"Just a minute!"
I seriously considered lifting this monster out of the toilet and tossing it out the window. It honestly crossed my mind, but John lived on the ground floor and a dozen people were seated at a picnic table ten feet away. They'd see the window open and notice something drop to the ground. And these were people who would surely gather round and investigate, then there I'd be, with my unspeakably filthy hands, trying to explain that it wasn't mine. But why bother throwing it out the window if it wasn't mine? No one would have believed me except the person who had left it in the first place, and chances were pretty slim that the freak in question would suddenly step forward and own up to it. I was trapped.
"I'll be out in a second!"
And I scrambled for the plunger and used the handle to break it into manageable pieces, all the while thinking that it wasn't fair, that this was technically not my job. Another flush and it still didn't go down. Come on, pal. Let's move it. While waiting for the tank to refill, I thought maybe I should wash my hair. It wasn't dirty, but I needed some excuse to cover the amount of time I was spending in the bathroom. Quick, I thought. Do something. By now, the other guests were probably thinking I was the type of person who uses dinner parties as an opportunity to defecate and catch up on his reading.
"Here I come. I'm just washing up!"
One more flush and it was all over. The thing was gone and out of my life. I opened the door to find my friend Janet, who said, "Well, it's about time." And I was left thinking that the person who'd abandoned this man-made object had no problem with it, so why did I? Why the big deal? Had it been left there to teach me a lesson? Had a lesson been learned? Did it have anything to do with Easter? I resolved to put it all behind me, and then I stepped outside to begin examining the suspects.
current mood: insanely lonely
current music: Cream - White Room
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| Wednesday, November 13th, 2002
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6:59 pm
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so.... i went to the library today. yay.
last time i went i took back the 5 month overdue books... and i gave the chick $5 and she cleared my account.
heee.
I had to get a new card today.
*bats her eyelashes*
terrible, arent i?
oh, so anyway, i got my root canal today... and i thought of tasha... cause they played our song!
from a phone booth in vegas
tasha calls at 5 am
to tell me how she's tired of all of them
she says 'babe, i've been thinking about a trailer by the sea...
we could go to mexico, you, madeline, the cat, and me.
we'll drink tequila and look for seashells...
now, doesn't that sound sweet?'
oh tasha, you always do this everytime i get back on my feet!
tasha paint your pictures
about how it's going to be...
by now i should know better
your dreams are never free!
but tell me all about
our little trailer by the sea
tasha, you can always sell any dream to me!
she asks me how the cats been
i say..
moses, he's just fine
but he used to think about you all the time!
we finally took your pictures down off the wall.
tasha, how do you always seem to know just when to call?
she says
get yourself together
bring moses and drive real fast
and i listen to her promise
i swear to god this time it's going to last!
i'll love tasha in the sunshine
lay her down in the warm white sand
and who knows
maybe this time
things'll turn out just the way we plaaaaaaaaanned!
<3<3<3
o.k.
project clean room time.
*dons gas mask and rubber gloves*
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| Tuesday, November 12th, 2002
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10:15 am
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my glasses where missing!
but now they're found!
i had no socks!
but now i do!
praise the lord.
everyone say amen.
amen.
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| Sunday, November 10th, 2002
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9:27 pm
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Starting today we're on holiday
Everybody sees you in the wrong way
No one else sees you my way
Your gazes cripple me
Keep life a mystery
I don't want it to change
Just keep them coming my way
That's all a lie
I can't rationalise
The further I slide
I can't seem to get back to your side
'Cos you're a summer child
And I'm a winter mild
I can't stay with the heat
As you blossom out around me
What if there is nothing after this?
Your gazes cripple me
Keep life a mystery
I don't want it to change
Just keep 'em coming my way
I want to go see Katie, but it doesn't look possible. Bus is only $50, but there's a transfer in New York, NY at 9:30 pm with an hour layover. Mindy doesn't think so. I can't find connecting trains with Amtrak.. flying is too expensive.
I want to see my babygirls, though.
In other news... I need to find a hobby to keep me occupied during my homliness.
And my permit. Vroom vroom.
And hot sex with a boy with long brown hair who can play Just Like Heaven on their guitar...
at least sing it.
yeah.
I promise that I'll run away with you! I'll run away with you!
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| Wednesday, November 6th, 2002
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9:56 pm
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im so unhappy
i dont think i can stomach school much longer.
people make me so sick.
i know what you're thinking, 'didn't you learn your lesson the last time?'
i'm going to get my permit before i quit. perhaps i'll even finish up the semester.
i think i'd be okay if i could drive.
i just don't think high school is right for me.
i had a conversation with an adult about this. he told me i need to get my stuff straight and go. set getting my permit as my goal, because the whole world is unlocked then.
i can go take 2 or so classes at worwic. get a job. do what i want.
i hate doing the same things i've done before. i hate people.
for example: today...
...we have to read a classic novel for english. i chose the bell jar, and read it in one night. i wasn't showing off. i was just really into the book, you know?
anyway, the student teacher told us to get out our novels and read them. when she asked me where mine was, i told her i had finished it.
everyone in the fucking class turned around and STARED at me.
then they commented.
'geez.'
'i'm on page seven!'
in the previous period our teacher told us our grades that will be posted on our report cards. i missed 2 quizzes and like 5 homework assignments from last week when i was sick...
so, i went up and looked at my grade and she says 'thats with you missing 2 quizzes and 5 homework assignments. imagine what it would have been if you'd made them up!'
someone asked me what i had got and i told them i had gotten an 80... and they got PISSED off.
'she never comes to school. how come HER grade is higher than mine?'
'maybe ill start staying home... maybe ill get smart then'
i'm just tired of it.
t-i-r-e-d.
my mum understands though. she's going to call the dmv & the y (for drivers ed) in the morning.
she loves me so much.
current mood:  frustrated
current music: The Strokes - Someday
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| Saturday, November 2nd, 2002
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8:28 pm
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i saw my reflection in the window at walmart, and i thought i was looking at a pregnant chick... and then i realized...
eeek! that's me! i'm not pregnant!
how depressing.
i'm going to have to start eating better. everyone elses low carb diet has been working. perhaps i'll give it a try... I surely can't get up the courage to talk to * if i feel like a buffalo.
my play list is so weird. i keep going from elton john to missy elliott to the white stripes. i have a confession to make...
i love missy elliott.
*runs and cries*
current mood: buffalo-ish
current music: Missy Elliott - Work It
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(comment on this)
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9:04 am
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i'm torn between feeling really good and being insanely grumpy.
in the real world, things are going okay. i don't know why they are, but they just are. i've realized where my true friends lay. i think i've put people in better perspective. Some people just don't matter as much as others, yanno?
i still haven't talked to luen about the trip to skateland... or wherever we're going, since we're probably not going to skateland because i can't skate... *catches her breath* but i have a really good feeling about *... i don't have any reason to, but i do... we'll see what happens, eh?
on the flip side, in the internet world, which i suppose is also a 'real world' is what pisses me off. i hate it when people say that they love you and they'll never leave, but they don't have time to write a simple email... or leave me a message when i leave the computer on.
these people will just be added to the list of people that i remember fondly... like melissa... my melissa.
it's funny that i still refer to her as that, considering i haven't talked to her in almost three years. i know this sounds stupid, but i was in love with her... i wanted to be like her.
how silly of me, eh?
MELISSA CATRON IF YOU ARE OUT THERE: YOUR BALLERINA STILL LOVES YOU!
current mood:  nostalgic
current music: Saliva - Hollywood
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| Wednesday, October 30th, 2002
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12:24 pm
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12:13 pm
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so, um, i heard that like today is *s birthday. i'm not in school. drat. although, even if i was what would i say to him 'hey *! i heard today was your birthday! happy birthday'
no. it's just all wrong. drat. drat.
theres a plot for amy, jr, chelsea, luen and i to go to skateland sometime when jr comes home. doesnt that sound like fun? the fifth wheel.
luen is friends with *... sorta, anyway. perhaps luen could con him into going with us... not even as a date you, know, but just so i wouldnt be the only one with no one there.
amy will be shoved straight up jrs anus, i know... luen really digs chelsea... and i can't skate. perhaps i should just skip out. besides, it would be kind of weird for a girl who has said little more than 'hi. how are you' to a boy to ask him to go to skateland so she wouldnt be left out.
fuck. drat. fuck.
why must i be so silly?
money coming back from the travel agent. can anyone say... permit time!
if i could drive i could be like 'hey *. want a ride home?'
no. i just get on the bus and watch him walk away wistfully.
rawr.
i have a fever. i'm going back to sleep.
p.s. louise. i miss you.
current mood:  nauseated
current music: PORTISHEAD - cowboys
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sapphirefaerie's journal
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